Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
