In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
