How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
