Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
