You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
