My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
