No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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