After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
