We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
