I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize
