Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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