I am puke
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
this hospital has no fireball
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
