mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i think my tv is drunk
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
is that a dick in a sweater?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
