I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
why do cheetos always look like penises
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
