Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
