Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
