Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You have to summon your inner elephant
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
