you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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