dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
