We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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