she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
