I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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