last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
