Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
