last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
