I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
they call him Oral-B. enough said
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
