I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
my poor anus
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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