my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
