im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
