I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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