guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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