i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
