I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
