Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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