never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
