Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
