Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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