Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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