Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
