At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
