my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
