Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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