just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
