Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
