butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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