you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
