remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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