What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
