my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
