I accidentally burped into my bong.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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