My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Someone shattered a urinal.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
