you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
