I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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